Pregnant, but not really …

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Yesterday was my first beta.  I got the call from the clinic a few hours after my blood draw to let me know that my hCG level was a 13.9 mIU/mL, which is low. Like, really low.  I know that <5 mIU/mL  is considered ‘not pregnant’ and anything above 25 mIU/mL is ‘pregnant’. Honestly, I’m not even sure why they are considering me pregnant as my hCG seems to be floating in an indeterminate stage, but the nurse said that they want me to continue taking my medicines (prednisone, baby aspirin, endometrin, estrace, and PIO shots) and will bring me back in two days for another blood draw to see if the numbers have gone up.  While Daddy Graham and I have not given up hope completely that we have a late implanting embryo, we are also realistic in that this is looking like a chemical pregnancy.

During the two week wait, I had a multitude of symptoms.  I felt the strangest tugging sensation behind my belly button that traveled down to the top of my pubic bone.  Cramps that were distinctly different from normal period cramps.  I knew something was going on, I just wasn’t sure what. In the days preceding the beta, I cop to taking some home pregnancy tests so that I could have some sense of where I stood.  Daddy Graham and I had a long discussion about how they were not the end-all-be-all of pregnancy indication, and I tried not to put too much stake in them. Faint positives each and every time, but the lines never grew darker as the days went by.

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Truthfully, while I am sad, I am also feeling alright about the situation.  We knew that this process was not going to be easy, and that odds aren’t necessarily in your favor with IVF and FET (though much greater than other infertility interventions).  We will not be deterred by an unsuccessful cycle, as we are committed to trying again.  Before Daddy Graham and I began this process, we both agreed that having a child would make our lives wonderful but we are not incomplete as a family without children.

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